They may have waited a long time and faced challenges along the way, but older LGBTQ+ adults who spoke with Senior Scope say they’ve reached a place in life where they feel respected, supported, and fully themselves — in their homes, places of worship, and in their communities.
At a rainy but joyful PRIDE celebration in New Bedford’s Buttonwood Park last month, people of all ages gathered to enjoy music, dancing, drag performances, food, and information from local groups and agencies. Among them were older adults who shared stories of struggle, growth, and ultimately, acceptance — of themselves and from others.
Both Gerré Croteau and Rev. Dr. Donnie Anderson spoke about how, for many years, they believed they were alone in how they felt.
Croteau grew up in a time when being gay meant keeping it hidden. As a teenager, he sensed he was different but didn’t feel safe talking about it. Today, he’s a respected member of Grace Episcopal Church in New Bedford, where he serves as the church verger, a layperson who helps organize services.
“I seem to have the respect of all the people I associate with,” he said. “I train the young people who serve at the altar, and they think of me as an old uncle or something. I’m amazed at the love and affection I get from the younger people and their parents.”
He spoke fondly of his late husband, Bob, and the full life they shared — one he couldn’t have imagined as a young man in the 1950s.
“Everything had to be very secret,” he said. “I was probably a little more obvious than other boys were, so it was difficult back then. But especially here in Massachusetts, I think we are much more accepted. Both Bob and I were totally accepted by our families.”
He and Bob were the first same-sex couple married at Grace Episcopal Church after marriage equality became law in Massachusetts.
Rev. Dr. Donnie Anderson shared a different but equally personal journey. Born male and assigned male at birth, she came out as a transgender woman later in life — just shy of her 70th birthday. Her decision came after seeing Caitlyn Jenner speak publicly about her own experience. Something clicked, she said.
“For most of my life, I didn’t know what I was,” she said. “I’ve talked to a number of other folks (who’ve felt the same way). We all had similar experiences where we thought we were the only ones. You think that because nobody is talking about it. I had this strong pull toward the feminine, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I was scared. I just thought I was alone.”
A long-time American Baptist minister and former executive minister of the Rhode Island State Council of Churches, Anderson later transferred her credentials to the United Church of Christ. She now leads the Pilgrim United Church of Christ in New Bedford — a role she embraced after learning the congregation was open to welcoming a transgender pastor.
While not everyone in her past has been supportive, Anderson says she’s found more kindness than rejection.
“For every person who was cruel or uncaring, there were ten who were supportive and loving,” she said. “I’m so grateful I live in this part of the world.”
Still, Anderson worries about the growing challenges faced by transgender people, especially younger ones. She’s concerned that laws in some states — laws that restrict what can be discussed in schools or require disclosures that could put young people at risk — may lead to fear, isolation, and depression.
“They’re going to become more insular,” she said. “At the very least, they’re going to be depressed.”
Croteau, too, worries about the future, especially when it comes to the legal rights of LGBTQ+ individuals. For him, any change in marriage law could jeopardize the health insurance he receives as a surviving spouse of a military veteran.
Even so, he sees hope in younger generations.
“They don’t seem to think there’s anything wrong with it,” he said. “They just accept people. … They have friends who are gay and others who might not be. I don’t see or feel any prejudice from that generation at all.”
Both Croteau and Anderson say they’re thankful to be living in New England, a place where they’ve found community, purpose, and the freedom to live as their full selves.
They Know Who They Are: Older adults talk about belonging at PRIDE event
Brenda Grace and Renay Ribeiro, l-r, display a contribution from Walmart to support grandfamilies in the region. Walmart was a regular supporter of the program which Brenda appreciate as a Walmart employee.
Rain didn’t stop people from coming out and enjoying this year’s PRIDE festival at Buttonwood Park
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