People came to New Bedford’s River’s End Park on Sept. 10 for many reasons — to honor a loved one, to share their grief, to support others, and to end stigma.
They gathered under a rising half-moon that evening, talking about suicide, how its affected them, and how everyone can help prevent it.
The event, Changing the Narrative, was held on World Suicide Prevention Day to raise awareness about suicide prevention and spread messages of hope.
One of those messages is the understanding that talking about suicide doesn’t increase the risk of someone taking their own life.
That means we can all talk about mental health and suicide without pushing people to act on thoughts of suicide, said Paul Santos, New Bedford site director for the Department of Mental Health.
It’s important information to help those who may be struggling and to begin to end the stigma around suicide, he said.
“For me, this (event) is about creating awareness around stigma and giving individual resources people need to get treatment,” Santos said looking around at the 200-plus people in the park. “Just being able to say the cause of death is important and that (suicide) is not a weakness.”
Other event speakers agreed that talking about suicide and mental health is crucial.
New Bedford mental health activist Cam Walker told those gathered about his own mental health challenges and how sharing his stories has made a difference for himself and others.
“Mental health matters and we need to talk about it openly,” he said. “We talk with our friends about everything…When do we ever say, hey Ray, how are you doing brother? You looked down the last two weeks. What’s going on with you?”
“When do I ever say, hey Pops, you know what, I’ve been depressed as hell the last two weeks, I need you to be there for me. I’m not good right now. I’m not OK right now,” he continued. “How often do we ever say that to somebody?”
Walker said sharing our stories helps others share theirs.
“If there’s one thing I’d like everybody to remember from this speech is that as you go around talking to people about your own problems and your own battles with mental health, you unconsciously give people permission to do the same,” Walker said to applause from listeners.
In his remarks, Raymond Lambert, a licensed psychotherapist and clinical director of Whitmarsh House, cautioned people about the amount of time they spend on their device screens. It leads to isolation and affects our mental health, he said.
“The more that we isolate ourselves, the worse we become mentally,” Lambert said.
“We are made to talk to each other,” he continued. “We are made to love each other. We are made to go outside. We are made to laugh.”
Santos stressed that 988, the statewide suicide and crisis lifeline, is the number to call if people are in need of support or are considering harming themselves. In New Bedford, Child & Family Services also operates a 24/7 mental health crisis line which can be reached at 508-996-3154.
He also suggested people can learn more about ways to help an individual who might be considering suicide through a process called QPR – question, persuade and refer. It’s a technique that anyone can use to help those who might be considering ending their lives.
The QPR Insitute, which offers QPR trainings, compares learning the method to learning CPR or the Heimlich Maneuver — in other words, it’s necessary.Many of those who came out for the event took the opportunity to write personal messages on paper lanterns which were launched and then floated down the Acushnet River as families and loved ones held candles and watched them pass.
Other options to honored lost loved ones included painting rocks and adding names to a roster that was read aloud respectfully.
Cynthia DeCicco, from The Compassionate Friends, wanted people to know about two support groups she and her husband Michael lead for people who have lost a child, including adult children, grandchildren or siblings to suicide. One is held the first Wednesday of the month from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Smith Mills Congregational Church in Dartmouth, she said. The other is the third Wednesday of the month from 7 to 8:30 p.m. at the Veteran Community Center, 239 Main St., Bourne.
The DeCiccos’ daughter, Tracy Samuel, died by suicide after being in the military, DeCicco said.
“I’m grateful we can do things in her honor,” she said.
Brian Fernandes has been working to raise awareness and prevent suicide after losing his son Nicholas to suicide in 2008. Through the work of the foundation he created in Nicholas’ name, he and others have created an art scholarship to support students at the Greater New Bedford Vocational Technical High School. Art was a passion of Nicholas’, Fernandes said, and is a way to help students explore their emotions.
Lambert summed up the effort and need to prevent suicide in this way.
“We as a people have to stand together as a community to fight this,” he said. “It’s not going away. It’s only increasing.”
“You’re not going to do it if you’re not compassionate.”
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